Rancid Reminder

There it was blatant as ever. I didn't realize it at the moment, but yesterday I was hit in the face with one of those life lessons. Like I mentioned in my last entry, I can't save everyone. And just yesterday I had to be reminded of that again. It was an image I won't forget. It was disturbing, and I'm not easily disturbed.

There I saw it. Just right outside the window. Was it dead? No, it twitched. They were crawling all over it. Feasting off of its fetid flesh. What could I do? I felt helpless, but I knew it felt worse. How it must have suffered a slow and painful agony I could never imagine. I had to do something. I had to. I couldn't do nothing. I can never do nothing. It was being eaten alive and so was I.

I offered life. I offered rain. I offered a temporary salvation to the seemingly incurable thirst. What else could I do? I had to cleanse it somehow from those parasitic vultures. And for a moment life was in its grasp. It leaped once, twice, three times, four and the last. There was no more. I couldn't do anymore. Even he told me there was nothing I could do. Either way its fate was decided. I left. I walked away. But I didn't stop thinking about it. The memory of its moment of vitality. At least I gave it peace. At least I think I gave it peace.

I know, people would pass by this experience and just toss it aside in their minds. But to me, everything is significant. If you don't hold the little things in significance what do you have? What do you appreciate? All we have is now. And I want to use it. I want to shake up the sand in a glass of water. I need it to be free. I need it to be messy. I need it to settle. I need it to start anew. I need someone else to shake it up.

I want to put my name into that tree. I have to put my name in that tree. Even if it's just on its leaf. I crave it. I need it.

I only wish you could see me for me. I only wish you could see you for you. Look at what's happening. Look what's been done. Look at what should be. This is it. Act now, or it's forever ruined, and I don't want that.

I don't want that.

I'm being eaten alive. But slowly I'm walking away. I'll completely escape soon.

Sorry, this is what happens when i'm exhausted. Thoughts run rampant. "In dreams emotions can be overwhelming." At least the weather was nice this week. Maybe the world will go my way. If only for a little while.



Est-cela que vous voulez vraiment?